Have to admit that it’s a damn fun program to paint with. Someone in my class uses it a lot for rapid concepting.. but I’m not sure I can get the hang of it to do that. I’m far too reliant on actual form, which isn’t a good thing, really.

End of term is rapidly approaching and I really have no idea what I’m doing anymore. I’m putting stuff off I don’t want to (looking at getting my new computer), I feel like I’m falling short in everything that I’ve left to do before term ends and I’m generally sort of freaking out at what’s needing to get done. Stuff is piling up in an awful way and I just don’t know where to start. I don’t want to call mom and dad because I have to ask them for a loan so I can pay my tuition and talk to them about my grad. I just can’t seem to find any motivation to polish my stuff for Jalloo.

It’s interesting.. I saw one of the second year animation student’s finished stuff for the festival and I was a little astounded. Everything he had done was so full of originality and character that I know he’ll stand out. I thought about it a lot.. about how much I wanted that to be me of the 3D crowd and how I probably can’t achieve that before everything is due. He’s also got a lot more of himself figured out and is much older than me.. but still. I see a lot of missed opportunity in the time I’ve spent here. If I had a much clearer goal of where and who I wanted to be when I graduated I know my work and my presentation would be so much stronger. I don’t know if that’s a realistic thing to fault myself on, though..

I feel like I’ve lacked direction for a long time. And I like what I’m doing.. I’m just not as good as I want to be and I feel like I don’t know where I’m doing with it.

–

I fell asleep after this so my train of thought left me behind in some sleepy desert.

comment? | industrie

Messing around in Alchemy a bit. A very interesting and artistically challenging program. Want to play with it some more. Also, update more.

comment? | industrie

I don’t even.

Not having a good week. Not looking forward to picking my next project. Just ugh. Finished the gardens though, not really happy with them. Maybe I’ll actually get some feedback from a professor this time.

comment? | industrie

I am feeling a bit lost and hungry and I just want to curl up and play wow. BUT! The current project we’ve got for practicum is pretty neat;

I’m going to do some drawing and brainstorming tonight. Update more then.

comment? | industrie

Just a bit of drawinglessons from Eva. Trying to find a better way to represent and personify myself. Also, massive headaches. And terrible demo-reels. Hooray.

[ Another? ]

comment? | industrie

So this week has definitely been one of the weirdest weeks I’ve had in a long, long time. Last friday I got my wisdom teeth surgically removed and I’ve been “recovering” over the last few days. This mostly entails me being very whiney and waited on by the most amazing fiance ever. But I’ve never experience this sort of discomfort before and it’s really not something I’m fond of.

On top of that I’m home for the week because I have to get stitches removed on friday which means I’ve got homework that I need to do, I’ve got little to no internet and I forgot all my comfy pants at our apartment. D: Cue Bryan wandering aimlessly and goalless-ly around the house, desperately wanting to eat things like chips, chicken burgers and pizza. I’m also dealing with the fact that the aforementioned best fiance ever is now back at our apartment going to school. So now we’re both lonely and I’m in this weird drugged and hurt-y headspace that I can’t seem to get over. I am making an attempt to wean myself off of one of the pills though. We’ll see how that goes in the morning.

This is all doubly frustrating for me because this was the time I decided to put a lot of work into recruiting for our guild, aptly named Casual Murder, and it’s a time when I can’t really play WoW at all. It’s very frustrating ’cause there’s stuff I want to be able to do to make some of the transfers we have coming more welcome. Guh. I also can’t ride on anyone’s butt to get transferred if I can’t even play myself, right? That will be what this weekend is for, though.

So in my bizarre headspace funk I’ve been in, I got to doodling.

[ It's a me. o_o ]

comment? | industrie

Casual Murder is a Horde-side guild on Frostwolf US.

( Jump behind the cut to find out more! )

I posted here two weeks ago and got some nice response from it, so I'm really anxious now. :3

I am really trying to get into the habit of drawing or at least updating every day at lunch. I’ve just been so uninspired and whatnot that it’s just been so hard to do anything. :\ I’ve got to get some work done this weekend on my portfolio so that I can have it completely updated for the GameGarage. Well, “completely”.

In other news? I’m total balls in Mudbox, but I have to keep trying. I’ve always been the sort of person that loves to try something interesting, especially after I see someone else create something really cool using that tool. Then when I try it and nothing works the way I want it to I sort of give up and either try half-heartedly from that point on or not at all. That’s what happened with Mudbox for me and I’ve never gotten used to it. It’s really hurting my 3D at this point as I’m only limited to what I can do in 3DS Max, which can be totally time consuming to say the least. At this point I feel totally hopeless and like I’ll never learn the damn program and it’s so extraordinarily frustrating. Nothing I seem to make looks good and my natural instinct is to just give up. Horrible defense mechanism, but it’s one that I’ve totally grown with for a long time.

So I’ve got a bit to do this weekend;

finish the Maverick (high poly and low)

MUDBOX PRACTICE. For the love of god just play around in the program

Er. I don’t even know?

Update Portfolio site (get thumbs working and whatnot)

Work on my shield (finish high poly and low)

WIN.

Play Love.

I was ever so generously granted with an account for Love from someone in my class. He tried it and didn’t like it so he offered the key to me. I’m uber-excited to try it. A full procedurally-generated MMO. What an awesome idea. That’ll take a little bit of time from my weekend, but I’ve got to focus on getting that portfolio updated and our application written for the GameGarage.

Busy busy. Robots on the braaaaaain.

comment? | industrie

So yeah. I’m going to update everyday. Then all of a sudden I got portfolio requirement’d! :\ That results in sad bryan. I’m going to post more later, but I am lacking the inspiration. I’ve got a portfolio now~

industrie	industrie	industrie	industrie
industrie	industrie	industrie	industrie
industrie	industrie	industrie	industrie

I’m also in the process of modeling the Nerf Maverick. 8D

comment? | industrie

I’ve been thinking about what kind of artist I am quite a bit, recently. I just can’t seem to get over that wall of lazy and unmotivation to actually produce anything. When we attended the Montreal International Games Summit this fall I was struck by something that I hadn’t really realized before; I want my art to mean something. I want my art to make a difference. I want to change the world. I want to lead gaming as an art-form that is actually mass market, a la literature and movies. This wasn’t something I had ever thought about before.

I have always had this desire in me to make things. To create and draw and give life to these weird and bizarre ideas in my brain. But I’ve never thought of myself as creative. I’m not saying that to be angsty or anything, but I still don’t see myself as a unique individual. My ideas and creations are just everything that I’ve absorbed and compacted through my brain and then regurgitated. As we listened to Chris Hecker give the closing key-note at MIGS and talk about how games are a new art-form, this is a new movement and we are at the forefront. And, we have the ability to fuck this up. As an up-and-coming designer/3D artist I don’t want to see video games fall in to the same category as comic books; meaningful and beautiful, but never taken seriously.

I was completely inspired by that keynote; I want to change the world and I want to change the people that play my games. The same way that Braid changed me, or Cave Story. When I was hit by the realization I was literally crying. Eva and I talked about it later, and the discussion led to her proposing to me. She and I share the same goal in life in that we want our art to inspire.

I don’t feel like I’m accomplishing that right now. I’m not producing anything meaningful. Although, I’m also struggling to keep up in school and I am learning the technicalities of my trade. I don’t really feel that’s an excuse, though. This is the real reason of my “Picture of the Moment” craze that I’ve been going on. If I consistently create I will get better at it. The more I create the more I’m going to fail at realizing my goal. But the more I fail the more I am going to learn. Aside from having the goal of at least one upload a day, I plan to have at least one thing modeled and textured for me every sunday. This way I can start to build up not only my collection of 3D, but also my experience at making all sorts of different stuff.

I just need to get over that stupid wall.

comment? | industrie